Steps in Overcoming Masturbation

by: Kay

The LDS Church strongly apposes masturbation. They discuss it in Sunday School with the young men starting at the age of 12. This is also the age when bishops start regularly asking young men if they masturbate. If they answer yes, they are denied LDS priviliges, such as ordination as a Deacon or Priest, and access to the temple to perform baptisms for the dead with all their other peers.

If he answers yes to the question of masturbation, the bishop has the young man return to his office regularly for council, for masturbation is breaking the law of chastity. Those who masturbate are no longer chaste or virtuous.

Young women raised to believe masturbation is a sin, but it is not discussed during lessons like it is for the young men. Young women are never questioned about masturbation during interviews with their bishop. There seems to be a misconception within the LDS Church that young women do not have the same sexual urges as men do. (This attitude is extremely damaging toward women, but that is for a future blog.)

When a young man is counciled about masturbation, the following pamplet is given to assist him in developing strategies against these undesirable urges:

Mark E. Petersen
Council of the 12 Apostles

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

I would really like to meet just one guy who does not masterbate.

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

Because you will find other unhealthy methods of coping, such as alcohol, illicit sex, bestiality, depression, and even suicide.

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.

A cure for something which close to 100% of the population does

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.

Even that may be too much for some people. Rough, velcro gloves may help.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

The people you hang out with can tie your hands to the bedpost for you. See number 19.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

You can always tell the difference between those who masturbate and those who do not. Your masturbating friends might convince you to masturbate so just avoid contact with anyone who is not your grandma.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

Come on ladies, taking too long for hair and makeup is the devil's way of tempting us into sin.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.

This one never worked for me. I always found undressing either unecessary, or somewhat arousing.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

GET OUT OF BED!!! LOL

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act."

Does this mean I need to get rid of my Playgirl subscription? I only read the articles...

The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethern [sic, Cistern too?]. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.

This should be helpful. Reading the bible always put me to sleep.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT _OUT_ of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

Only discuss it with the men at church, not the Lord because the men at Church find masturbation far more interesting than an imaginary being.

As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of these suggestions. Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

The Priesthood Leader who is designated to discussing masturbation with all the boys who have a problem with it... that would be all boys. Doesn't anyone else find the thought of a grown man regularly discussing little boys' sexuality with them a little, uh...sick?

Suggestions:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are the strongest.

Didn't it just say not to pray about this?

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

Since NOT masturbating can cause depression, it's good they mention this.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

STOP! Oh, did I say that outloud?

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be open to temptation.

Mmmkay. Sounds good in theory. My own goals of abstinence always fell through. I guess I should go discuss my masturbation problem in great depth with my bishop. Maybe I should set smaller goals, like only masturbate once a night instead of multiple times.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

Then how do I imagine myself when I completely fail to overcome temptation?

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.

Since masturbation prevents people from meeting their potential.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

I guess outgoing and friendly people don't masturbate either.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

I'm just sure this will help.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

LOL! I might as well dip my entire calendar in a bucket of black ink!

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

It happens because it's a part of every person's sexuality. How do you break a thing that makes us human?

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

I can tell everyone reading that this will not work, simply because the gratification is so worth it.

12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

Cold showers always help.

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

You heard the man! Do NOT sleep in!

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

I guess needing to pee at night makes you more likely to touch yourself.

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.

Those exciting foods will keep you up all night! Wait, didn't he tell us earlier that getting up to get a midnight snack may help?

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

This one turns me on.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

That's right! Absolutely no PORN!

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

You can wack - I mean, smack yourself with the book.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to TIE A HAND TO THE BED frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

Maybe get one of your good friends to help with this.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.

Mmmmmm.....chocolate......

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Satan Never Gives Up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

That's right boys and girls, fight the good fight! Happy whacking, and goodnight.