Thursday, June 21, 2007

Giving My Teenage Sister Cancer Has Some Higher Purpose?

by: Kay

My baby sister was just diagnosed with Leukemia. She is 18 years old. None of this makes any sense to me. She was just feeling a little run down and tired, but was still going in to work. I was a little worried about her symptoms so I asked a family friend, who is a physician, to stop by her job site and take a look at her. He thought she probably had Mononucleosis and ordered a bunch of blood work. He said he normally doesn't order so many tests, but was concerned about her bruising. He saved her life by seeing her like this.

She waited over the weekend to get her lab work drawn and was feeling increasingly tired to where she had to call in to work. She was procrastinating because she is afraid of needles. My mom finally put her in the car and drove her over to the lab to get the blood drawn. They called up the ordering doctor within two hours to tell him she has critical values.

She was directly admitted to the Pediatric Special Care unit yesterday. They did a bone marrow biopsy and today she'll start chemo. They are also going to do a spinal tap and inject chemo medication into the cerebral spinal fluid surrounding her brain and spinal chord. This is to prevent the cancer from metastasizing to her brain. The overall treatment is so poisonous and aggressive it may kill her. Without treatment, she's been given only a few weeks to live.

I called up a TBM friend of mine to tell him what was going on. His response was to give me a lecture on how this was a learning experience, we would all grow from this, and even though we didn't understand what the higher purpose is, this is all part of God's plan for us. This line of stupid thinking made me so angry I hung up on him.

Why would God need to give a child cancer and treat that child as a tool, rather than a person with free-agency, just to teach everyone some ambiguous lesson? Why would God choose to punish an innocent child by making them go through the most awful thing possible? If there were no children out there who suffered with cancer we would still have free-agency. A moral God wouldn't inflict his creations with something so horrible by making them suffer like this. If this is supposed to treat us some great lesson why are only 7000 children a year diagnosed with this form of Leukemia? We have a better chance of winning the lottery! Thinking about this when I was on the phone with my TBM friend made me so angry. Normally I would have argued my position, but I have been through so much in the past two days I couldn't deal with someone forcing their ignorance on me.

When I got home I held my 6 year old son and told him how scared I was for his aunt. He held my head, and stroked my face as I cried into his shoulder. He told me in a very concerned way not to worry because she is going to get medicine in the hospital to make her better. Out of all the friends I tried to reach out to today, my son was the only person able to comfort me.


Samuel the Utahnite said...


I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that your sister is having to go through this and I know it is painful for you as well. I've lost loved ones to cancer(and various other afflictions and illnesses over the last few years) and reading your story brought more than one tear to my eye.

I think it is just awesome that your little boy was there for you. Sometimes kids are the most loving, comforting and understanding people on the planet.

But what is happening to your sister right now, makes no sense, like many things that happen on this planet, especially if you bring the supposed all loving, all knowing, all powerful God into the picture.

Your TBM friend is just an ass and I'm glad you hung up on him. Those type of words are just revolting to me now.

I've had so many TBMS feed me the bullshit lines right after losing a loved one, like; "they're not in pain anymore" and "now they're with God" and "now they don't have to suffer anymore" and the always famous line of "God needed them more on the other side and it was their time."

I would just get furious and I was a TBM back then and so I feel your pain and understand your frustration wholeheartedly.

I don't give a damn where they are or what's going on, because I want them here and I'm sure they want to be here, if they are out there somewhere in some other place or dimension. I still have to believe in some type of afterlife, just to keep my sanity, after losing the people that I loved so much.

But, I'm glad they caught it early and hopefully the Chemo will work and she'll get better and overcome this. Is your sister and your family TBM? I'm just wondering if the "blessing for the sick and afflicted" has taken place yet?

Of course when she gets better, everyone will credit the blessing(s) and not the doctors, medicine or chemo or even her own will and desire to win the battle.

Anyway, best wishes and you'll be in my thoughts and I hope everything works out okay. Life is precious and even more precious to me now, then it was when I was in the Mormon cult.

Take care,


PetiteMalFleur said...

Thank you so much Samuel for your words of support. My sister is not TBM. She went innactive at 15 when she realized how catty and shallow many of the members are, especially the girls her age. She has told me she is also an atheist. The doctor has strongly stated she is not to go near a church due to her risk of infection, so at least he took away my parents justification in dragging her to church to use her illness as a way to reactivate her.

My father wants to contact the bishopric so she can recieve a blessing. I just cringe at this. I'll probably express my concerns about so many people touching her and ask them to give it without this. I wonder if they'll pick up my sarcasm when I say I'm sure God would understand if they don't all put their hands on her head due to her risk of infection.

The doctor confirmed yesterday she has the worst form of leukemia. She will be undergoing the most aggressive treatment and is facing a bone marrow transplant. I'm going to be tested next week as a possible donor, as well as my other two siblings.

It looks like my dad and I are going to be getting into it a lot throughout this whole ordeal. He seems to deal with stress by taking it out on other people, especially me. He's already trying to blame me for things out of my control.

As for my TBM friend, I doubt I go out of my way to talk to him again.

Today she is going to start chemotherapy. This includes giving her chemodrugs intrathecally, which means they inject it into the cerebral spinal fluid to kill any leukemia cells around her brain.

See her like makes me realize how young she is. She's just a scared kid going through all this. Her only experience with hospitals has been through watching House, so of course her perception on what will happen to her is very media warped. I'm just at a loss as to what more I can do for her. I'm anxious to have everything under way so we know what her actual prognosis is.

There's a good chance she may not live through the summer.

Sydney said...

I am very sorry to hear about your sister being so ill.

I lost my father to cancer almost 10 years ago, and a TBM made a similar comment to me about why he was sick. TBMs can twist any event into a faith-promoting event... even something as sad and heartbreaking as this.

If there is anything I can do for you, please give me a message. I will be happy to help... that is all I can offer. My thoughts are with you and your family.